He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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