I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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