So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
