i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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