Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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