Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
