happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
