the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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