Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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