will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
