I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
