It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your penis caused this!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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