yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
