they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
