He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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