His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
