Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
