well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
