HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
