flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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