I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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