if you like me you must not know who I am
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
