I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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