I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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