Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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