I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
