Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
