I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
