hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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