maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
