One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i believe in u and ur pee
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
