I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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