I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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