just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You don't make any sense
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