Already got asked if we're dating
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
