Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it glows. i had to have it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
