those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
