4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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