sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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