i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
