grandma shit on top of the toilet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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