Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was so not down for the gang bang
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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