My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
