the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
