I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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