I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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