also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
