So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
