Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
