He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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