I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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