his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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