I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You left your phone here
Wait...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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