it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
