Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
