I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
