You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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