This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
